#781

A lady went into a butcher shop complaining about some hot dogs she had just bought. "The middle is meat," she exclaimed, "but the ends are sawdust!"

"Well," said the butcher. "These days it's hard to make ends meat."

#782

• What's black, white, black, white, and green?
• Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

#783

• What did the tailor say when he pricked his finger?
• Darn!

#784

"Do you know what this is?" Chang says, proudly showing off his new boat to his neighbor, Luigi.

"You a-bet I do," says Luigi. "It's a junk."

Chang is incensed. "How dare you insult my boat like that!?"

#785

• What do you call a bass vocalist who sings by himself?
• So-low.

#786

• What were Cleopatra's dying words?
• Asp not what your country can do for you; asp what you can do for your country.

#787

Two blondes went to a costume party, both dressed as Betty Boop. When they saw each other, they were very angry, because they couldn't stand the thought that someone else was wearing the same costume. They started feuding, and one of them grabbed the other's name tag and changed it so that it read "Betty Bop." The second immediately did the same, so they were both wearing the wrong name tag and were angrier than ever.

Suddenly there was an unearthly moan, and a ghost appeared to them, also dressed as Betty Boop. It intoned, "Beware, mortals! I was once such as you, but through my pettiness and wrath I came to this! Beware, lest ye too suffer my grim fate! Beware!" But the two blondes ignored the apparition and kept feuding.

Things continued along those lines until the scat-singing contest. When it was the first blonde's turn, she did spectacularly, so much so that the audience demanded an encore. This made the second blonde so angry that she snapped, snuck up onto the bandstand, and slipped a bomb into the bass drum. But she greviously overestimated the length of the song, and it ended before she could get away. The drummer hit the bass drum, the bomb went off, and both the blondes and several innocent bystanders were killed.

And the moral of the story is: Bop, Bop, Boo-Bop: She Bopped; Bam, Boom!

#788

• What do sneezes wear on their feet?
• Ahhh-shoes.

#789

• What do get if you cross a parrot and a crocodile?
• An animal that talks your head off.

#790

• What happens when a T-Rex bites you?
• You get a dino-sore.