Latest Additions: 5/27/09

#855

• Why couldn't the faucet be within 100 feet of the pasta bowl?
• There was a restraining order.

#856

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables. The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. "Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied, "When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are."

#857

• What do you call epileptic lettuce?
• Seizure salad.

#858

• Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?
• Because she had an interest in the principal.

#859

• What do you get when you cross a cobra tamer and a playwright?
• William Snakespeare

#860

• What is the best time to eat reindeer meat?
• When you're hungry.

#861

• How did the hermit pay for his home?
• Alone.

#862

• What do you call a dead magician's assistant?
• An abracadaver.

#863

• How did the hot dog vendor tackle his job?
• With relish.

#864

• What were the unauthorized protestors guilty of doing?
• Marching banned.

#865

A patient said to a psychiatrist, "I keep wanting to cover myself in gold paint."

The psychiatrist said, "Sounds like you have a gilt complex."

#866

• What do you call the Association of Blood Donors?
• The IV League.

#867

• Why couldn't the chicken fly through the window?
• It was closed.

#868

• How does a wizard keep his potions safe from burglary?
• With a warlock.

#869

• Why did the baker bake more bread?
• He kneaded the dough.

#870

• How do spies send secret messages in a forest?
• By moss code.

#871

• What makes a chef sadder the skinnier it gets?
• An onion.

#872

• Why are bison such good musicians?
• They have fantastic horns.

#873

• Why do fish live in saltwater?
• Pepper makes them sneeze.

#874

• What do you call a spooky waterway?
• The Eerie Canal.