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Really Bad Jokes

Page 28


Then there was the time a cement truck collided with a paddy wagon. Twelve hardened criminals escaped.


Many years ago, a fisherman and his wife had twin sons, but they didn't know what to name them. The husband said, "Let's just wait. If we wait long enough, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks, they noticed something peculiar about the children. When left alone, one boy would face the sea, and the other would face inland.

"Let's call the boys Toward and Away," suggested the fisherman, and his wife agreed.

Years passed, and one day the fisherman told his adult sons, "It's time that you learned how to make a living from the sea." The fisherman and his sons provisioned their ship and set sail for a three-month voyage. At the voyage's end, the fisherman returned alone.

"What happened?" his wife cried.

"We were barely one day out to sea," the fisherman explained solemnly, "when Toward hooked a great fish. Toward fought long and hard, but the fish was great and strong. For whole week they wrestled upon the waves, yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Toward was pulled over the side. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."

"Oh dear!" the wife cried. "What a huge fish that must have been! What a terrible fish! What a horrible fish!"

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away."


  • Did you hear about the fly who flew through a screen door at full speed?
  • Strained himself.
  • It was another fine mesh he got himself into.


A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"


  • Would you like me to make you a hot dog?
  • Yes, please.
  • Poof! You're a hot dog!


  • My wife went to the West Indies for her holidays.
  • Jamaica?
  • No, she wanted to go.


  • My wife went to the East Indies for her holidays.
  • Jakarta?
  • No, she went by plane.


  • What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
  • "Dam."


Two men were walking through the desert. They were nearly out of water when they saw three tents in the distance. The hurried over to see if they could get some water. In the first tent they were told, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." In the second tent, again, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." They went into the third tent and again asked for water only to be told, "I'm sorry we only sell trifle." As they walked on, one turned to the other and said, "That was a trifle bazaar."


  • What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
  • "Where's my tractor?