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Really Bad Jokes

Page 21


  • How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
  • Step one: Open the door.
    Step two: Put the elephant in.
    Step three: Close the door


  • How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
  • Step one: Open the door.
    Step two: Take the elephant out.
    Step three: Put the giraffe in.
    Step four: Close the door.


  • If an elephant and a giraffe had a race, who would win?
  • The elephant. The giraffe is in the refrigerator.


  • Why did the boy close his eyes before opening the refrigerator?
  • He didn't want to see the salad dressing.


Recently someone nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a foolish error, he replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."


  • Who ruled France until he exploded?
  • Napoleon Blownapart!


  • Who burped at the big bad wolf?
  • Little Rude Riding Hood!


  • What can you sit on, brush your teeth with, and eat soup with?
  • A chair, a toothbrush, and a spoon.


  • How do elephants smell?
  • Really bad.


Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Safeway grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceeding were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: "Artie chokes two for a dollar at Safeway."