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#184

I'm down with pirates. I think pirates have it figured out. There's nothing more exciting in life than gangplanks and treasure. But the thing about pirates that most people forget about is that pirates are more consistently like cyborgs than any other romanticized historical people. Being like a cyborg is cool. You got the hooks for hands. You've got the peg legs. There's only one little step left, and that's to replace the hooks and pegs into things like artificially intelligent weed whackers. Ok, so technology was more primitive back in the heyday of pirates, but I have a suggestion for all you pirates out there stuck in the 17th century: replace that eyepatch with a usable part. Obviously your peg-leg is useful. How about a peg-eye? Just wedge a pole in there, and you can smack people around just by nodding. Hollow it out and make a telescope. Headbang and play the drums, while leaving your arms free for other things, like beating up the second mate. Headbutting other people is that much more lethal. Or, hey, replace your eye with a hook instead. Then you can hang from the rigging and leave both hands free to tie knots and knife off invaders. Best eye replacement yet: install a small keg in that eye socket with a bamboo shoot in the bottom you can suck on. Then you've got a mobile dispensation unit for rum for when you're too busy keelhauling prisoners to hang out in the kitchens.