Latest Additions: 5/22/09

#209

I tried my hand at Southern cuisine last night. For breakfast, I made chicken fried ham with a side of grits, deep fried biscuits and gravy with a side of grits, and deep fried cornbread with a side of grits. For lunch, chicken fried steak with a side of grits, fried green tomatoes with a side of grits, and for dessert, fried apples with a side of grits. For supper, I had chicken fried chicken with a side of grits, deep fried hominy with a side of grits, chicken fried grits with a side of grits, and deep fried shoofly pie with a side of grits. Tonight, I'm going to try southern pizza. I'm not sure whether it's supposed to be chicken fried or deep fried. I think I'll deep fry the toppings individually, then chicken fry the whole thing afterward. Should the whole pizza come with a side of grits, or does each individual slice need to come with its own side of grits?

#210

I think somebody should figure out a way for cookies to have cookies. Then you could just buy a breeding pair and put them in their own cupboard.

#211

Some states in the United States hold what's known as "open primaries." This means that you don't have to be a member of a political party to go into its primary and screw it up. We should do this in the corporate world. Wouldn't it be cool to have open stockholder meetings? So what if you don't hold any stock? Why should that stop you from attending meetings and voting on things? Besides, it would create jobs. To stay competitive, companies would have to hire a whole slate of Stockholder Meeting Attendees (SMAs for short!) to go to their competitors' meetings and do crazy stuff, like electing weirdos to the board and approving obscene corporate logos. I think the really good professional SMAs could make big money.

#212

I was thinking about speed dating the other day. You know how that works, right? You show up somewhere and go on five-minute dates with a bunch of people. By the time you've introduced yourself and said, "I think we should see other people," you are. We should expand this concept to other rituals in life. Speed Food, definitely. Instead of sitting down and eating one meal, you have a whole line of meals, and you get 10 seconds at each one. Oh, hey -- how about Speed Employment? Why do only one job when you can spent 15 minutes a day on 24 jobs? Speed Sleeping would be cool, too. You get an alarm clock that goes off every 15 minutes, and then you have to move to a different household surface. Then there's Speed Web Surfing, but that's probably the same as the regular kind.