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Fairy Tale Stew

The Seven Secretaries


Once upon a time there were seven secretaries, but six of them weren't around yet. So there was one secretary, only she was called a receptionist, and she answered the phone and typed letters and took dictation. One day, she answered four calls at the same time, all while typing five letters and taking dictation besides. The secretary -- that is, the receptionist -- said, "There is too much to do," for indeed there was, as answering calls and typing letters and taking dictation all at the same time resulted in strange cross-contamination of prose, such as one of the letters which read, "To Whom It May Concern, It is with deepest regret that I pick up a dozen eggs and a carton of chicken broth on the way home tonight."

So the boss hired another secretary, only she was called a receptionist, and the two secretaries worked together to answer the phone and type letters and take dictation, only there was still too much to do, so the boss hired another and then another, and soon there were seven secretaries, only they were receptionists.

They answered the phone and typed letters and took dictation, only there was only one phone and only one typewriter and only one notepad, so two of them answered the phone together. (One was in charge of speaking into the phone, while the other was in charge of listening in.) Three of them typed together. (One was in charge of the letters on the left side of the typewriter, one was in charge of the letters on the right side of the typewriter, and one was in charge of sliding the thingie back over when the ding sound happened.) And two of them took dictation together. (One was in charge of holding the pencil, and one was in charge of sliding the notepad around underneath it.)

So by working together, the seven secretaries (receptionists, that is) made a complete and total botched job of everything, and nothing got done well because everything was done poorly, and the boss fired everybody, and they went out on the street and starved and froze.

Then the six new secretaries (receptionists) said to the first old secretary (receptionist), "All of us, including you, would have been better off if you had done all the work by yourself and given us a share of your salary." And the first old secretary said, "Yes, because one seventh of an income is larger than no income at all. Oh, woe are we!"

Well, then the phone rang, and the boss didn't know how to answer the phone, because he never had to answer the phone before. And he had to type a letter, but he didn't know how to type a letter, because he never had to type a letter before. And he had to take dictation, but he didn't know how to take dictation, so he forgot everything he said.

So he went out of business and got thrown out on the street and starved and froze with the seven secretaries, that is, the seven receptionists, and he said to the secretaries, "Instead of starving and freezing, let's start a business together and make some money," and everybody thought that was a good idea, so they tried to start a business, but they couldn't, because they were too cold.