RinkWorks: Stupid Emails: Answering the Fantasy Novelist's Exam

537. Answering the Fantasy Novelist's Exam

To:  sam@rinkworks.com
Date:  Thu, 24 Jan 2008, at 18:31:04

   Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest? Yes, they run with
infinite energy and they never get tired,.......not. lol but seriously no

   Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate
armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to
a willing barmaid all in the same day? errrrr no

   Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other
weapon that returns to him when he throws it? nope, just normal weapons

   Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar? no but someone
does get hurt by a weapon

   Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor? no

   Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more?  [info] depending on what kind
of sword. don't worry my story has its sense and physics

   Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he
later attains? no

   Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns? no

   Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy
equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small
woman with a dagger? no, he would be dead

   Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest
to kill a man? depends. i know it takes one arrow to kill someone if it hits
a vital area or a nerve spot (head, lung, heart, liver, ect)

   Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor
choice for an "on the road" meal? no

   Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels
and barrels of mead?*sigh* no

   Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"? no

   Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has
exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion? no, all human, many rulers,
different religions

   Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world
the thieves' guild? no

   Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death? no

   Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard
who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute? .....................be
serious now. that would be a complete rip off from Final fantasy IV

   Is "common" the official language of your world? no, different countries
speak different languages.

   Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites
filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries
before? no

   Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings? Never. LOTR is
one of the greatest novels ever. I would never copy or take others ideas. I
want mine to be original like theirs.

   Read that question again and answer truthfully.
     I did

well thats it. How did I do on the test?

For ignoring the grading instructions, F-.