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RinkWorks Stupid Emails

227.    Defeating the Rigwaiths with Girl Power

To:  <sam@rinkworks.com>
Subject:  bad bad bad bad review
Date:  Fri, 24 Jan 2003 23:01:01 -0800

I just read your reviow of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring, and i'd like to know what the **** you were smoking when you came
up with this twisted view of a great movie. Tom Bombadil was not in the
move because (1) you can only film so much in 3 hours, (2) No one wants
to hear him sing because (3) this is not a disney movie with dancing and
singing every 5 minutes. Then you continue to display your own
incredible stupidity by accusing the movie of having stupid plot
elements. Mabey if you had paid attention to what you were typing you
might have realized that these are the same events that took place in
the book. Arwen did defeat the rigwaiths with "girl power," just like in
the book. Sam comes with Frodo, just like in the book. And if you are so
bent on knocking this movie's special effects, think about this: would
you rather a horrible low budget moveie that comes off more as a
Deathstalker clone, or a movie with fabulous special effects and acting
that actually gives Tolkien a good name (he needs a good name after what
Bakshi did to him!)? I know people who hate books, who have never cared
to read anything in their entire lives who saw this movie and were
inclined to read the books too. And as for you not seeing the other
movies, all that means is that i won't have to deal with you in the
theater.

This, of course, is not yet another mistaking of the review of the Bakshi film for being a review of Jackson's films. It is, rather, a response to the April Fools joke review of Jackson's "The Fellowship of the Ring." Despite that the review says explicitly, at the bottom, that the review was an April Fools gag. Poor defense, too. Arwen, of course, comes nowhere near Ringwraiths (or even Rigwaiths) in the books, but I just love how this email makes it sound like Tolkien actually wrote something like, "And Arwen planted her staff and called forth her girl power from the depths of her soul. The girl power rose forth and gathered in the air like a swarm of bees and descended upon the Ringwraiths, washing them and their mounts down the river in a raging torrent. Finally, the waters calmed, and the wraiths, the mounts, and the girl power were gone."