Questions Asked of Park Rangers

These questions were actually asked of various park rangers across the continent.

Everglades National Park:

• "Are the alligators real?"

• "Are the baby alligators for sale?"

• "Where are the rides?"

• "What time does the two o'clock bus leave?"

Grand Canyon National Park:

• "Was this man-made?"

• "Do you light it up at night?"

• "I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?"

• "Is the mule train air conditioned?"

• "So where are the faces of the presidents?"

• "So is that Canada over there?"

Denali National Park:

• "What time to you feed the bears?"

• "What's so wonderful about Wonder Lake?"

• "Can you show me where the Yeti lives?"

• "How often do you mow the tundra?"

Mesa Verde National Park:

• "Did people build this, or did Indians?"

• "Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?"

• "Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?"

• "Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?"

Yellowstone National Park:

• "Does Old Faithful erupt at night?"

• "Do you put the animals away at night?"

• "How do you turn it on?"

• "When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?"

Carlsbad Caverns National Park:

• "How much of the cave is underground?"

• "So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?"

• "Does it ever rain in here?"

• "So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?"

Yosemite National Park:

• "Where are the cages for the animals?"

• "What time of year do you turn on Yosemite Falls?"

• "What happened to the other half of Half Dome?"

• "Can I get a picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?"

Banff National Park:

• "Is that food coloring in the lakes?"

• "When did you build the glaciers?"

• "How much for a moose?"

• "Where are the igloos?"

• "How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the Elk Crossing signs?"

• "At what elevation does an elk become a moose?"

• "Are the bears with collars tame?"

• "Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?"

• "Is it ok to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?"

• "Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?"

• "Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?"

• "How far is Banff from Canada?"

• "What's the best way to see Canada in a day?"

• "When we enter British Columbia, do we have to convert our money to British pounds?"

• "Where can I buy a raccoon hat? All Canadians own one, don't they?"

• "Are there phones in Banff?"

• "So it's eight kilometers away. Is that in miles?"

• "We're on the decibel system, you know."

• "Is that two kilometers by foot or by car?"

• "Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?"

• "Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?"

• "Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?"

• "If I go to British Columbia, do I have to go through Ontario?"

• "Do they search you at the British Columbia border?"

• "Are there birds in Canada?"

• "I saw an animal on the way to Banff today. Could you tell me what it was?"

• "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" / "'Elk.'" / "Oh."

• "Where can I get my husband really, REALLY lost?"

Glacier National Park:

• "When do the deer become elk?"

• "When do the glaciers go by?"

Isle Royale National Park:

• "I just saw the ugliest horse I've ever seen." -- After seeing a moose.

Sutter's Fort State Historic Park, Sacramento

• "Where are the tracks the wagon trains ran on?"

• "Where do you cook?" / "We cook over the fire here." / "Don't your pans melt?"