Sometimes kids say things in innocence that are simply hilarious. Here's
an assortment of selected quotations from kids.
- "I'm being haive!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother told
him told to behave
- "I'm not an oxymoron!" -- 7 year old
- "TNT." -- Given as an answer for a written spelling bee, when the
teacher called the word "dynamite."
- "I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my
entire life!" -- 8 year old son.
- "I had to read and write six book reports." -- Girl, in an email to
her friend, attempting to explain what she had to do over the summer.
She later tried sending a correction, which read, "I had to read and
write six books."
- "Oh, well Mom said all I had to use was the sponge and dish
detergent." -- 12 year old daughter, when her father told her
he used elbow grease to get the dishes clean
- "Do they look after the Pokemon?" -- City kid, when asked what a
- "Why don't you get some expensive money?" -- 3 year old daughter,
when told by her mother that she could get a small toy but that the
ones asked for were too expensive
- "I have a rock in my nose." -- 2 year old son, greeting his mother
after preschool, a full hour after recess was over.
- "There's no one in there." -- 6 year old son, in response to seeing
his father hanging pictures and tapping on the walls to find the
- "Quiet!" -- 4 year old, when asked what begins with 'M' and
- "If I was a raccoon I would eat the farmer's corpse." -- A
kindergartener, writing a story about what we would do if he were
- "Well, sometimes I say something mean to my brother, but I feel really
good inside. Does that mean I'm a hypocrite?" -- 7 year old
girl, after a Sunday School teacher explained that a hypocrite was
someone who says one thing but feels something else.
- "Daddy, did your hair slip?" -- 3 year old son, to his bald but
long bearded father
- "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it's printed on
the bottom." -- 3 year old son, when his mother asked how
his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens
- "How will that help?" -- Kindergarten student, when the class was
instructed to hold up two fingers if any of them had to go to the
- "They didn't see it -- it was all cut off!" -- 2 year old son,
when his mother was asked how his grandparents liked his new
- "Tell me when you're asleep, ok?" -- 7 year old son, overheard
talking to his 5 year old brother.
- "I had a fraction in my neck and had to go to the hospital for a long
time." -- Fifth grader, to his class.
- "Well you're old, and you're not dead." -- "3 year old son, to his
father. The comment followed an explanation of why the father's
grandparents weren't around anymore.
- "Are you kidding me?! They go together like balogna and cheese! No, wait.
More like mayonnaise and bread." -- 9 year old girl, when asked
if her brother and cousin hang out a lot.
- "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken. I'm looking
for the seal." -- A young son, examining the contents of a box
of Animal Crackers
- "Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet." -- 3 year old son,
when his mother told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
- "Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!" --
Boy, overheard at the hospital
- "How do you put make up on your mind?" -- Girl, when told she should
make up her mind.
- "I wish someone we knew would die so we could leave them flowers."
-- 6 year old girl, upon seeing flowers in a cemetery.
- "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email."
-- 4 year old girl, misquoting the Lord's Prayer
- "Watch out, Daddy. Mommy's got her eye on you!" -- 4 year old
girl, after hearing her mother telling her father that she'd take
an I.O.U. for a promised restaurant dinner.
- "I didn't look much -- I've only got little eyes!" -- 7 year old,
about to be scolded for peeking at her Christmas presents.
- "When you were my age, you was just a baby!" -- 5 year old.
- "Why don't they just do what they did in 1899?" -- On preparing
for Y2K in 1999.
- "Daddy doesn't like that man, does he?" -- Daughter of John Cleese
and Connie Booth, during the filming of the Black Knight scene in
Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
I Feel So Old:
- "This is the biggest CD I've ever seen!" -- On first seeing
- "You know those big CDs?" -- High school student describing a
What We Learned From the Ice Storm of 1998:
- "Never take your little sister to a shelter." -- 12 year old
- "Trees aren't as strong as I thought they were." -- 11 year old
- "Not to kid around saying timber around people." -- 12 year old
- "Don't live in Maine." -- 13 year old
- "I learned that if you plug your generator into your TV, VCR, or
your computer, it will cause too much friction and it will blow up."
-- 10 year old
- "I didn't miss school at all. What are you talking about?"
-- 15 year old
The other day my five year old grandson was lounging on my lap.
- Him: "Poppop, you have hair in your nose."
- Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."
- Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."
- Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have
to grow it somewhere."
- Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some
of it out for you?"
I declined the offer.
In a preschool class I used to teach, we had two little girls who played
every day that they were characters from classic Disney cartoons. One day I
heard one calling the other "Allison." I didn't know a single Disney
character named Allison, so I asked the little girl who she was today. She
replied, "Allison Wonderland."
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked
me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and
then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her
own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our
pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure
wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do
you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I
asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her
grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
Conversation overheard at a zoo in Tasmania, where a young kid was
looking at a wombat:
- Kid: "Look Dad, dog!"
- Dad: "No, not a dog. Remember, we talked about what this is?"
- Kid: (thinks) "Dog!"
- Dad: "Noooo. It starts with a 'w'."
- Kid: "W......w......w......wdog!"
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father
and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
A high school teacher asked when surfing was popular in the USA. A
cheerleader in the class said, "The 60s." The teacher asked her to be
more specific, and she said, confidently, "The 1960s."
I just had an interesting conversation with my sister. She was talking about
the "carcass" of a printer.
- Me: "You mean 'cartridge'? 'Carcass' is a dead body."
- Her: "Oh, yeah, cartridge! But a dead body is a 'cork'."
- Me: "'Cork'? You mean 'corpse'?"
- Her: "Uh, yeah."
I had a party a few weeks ago, and a really good friend of the family had
brought some cousins, about 7 and 5 years old. The older one looked up
at a guest and said:
- Older Kid: "I bet you're 40."
- Younger Kid: "No, he's 80!"
- Older Kid: "85!"
- Younger Kid: "No, he's 100!"
- Older Kid: "He's not 100, that's when you die."
When I called home one day, my six year old son answered the phone. "Hello,"
he said, panting a little. I said, "Hi, Nick. Wow, you sound out of breath."
He replied, "No, I have more."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He
read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and
flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was
turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
When we were trick or treating in my neighborhood, my three year old
cousin came along. When we walked down the side of the street, and
whenever he saw a stop sign, he made us all stop in front of it, look
both ways, then continue on.
In my Sunday School class, we discussed what we would give up for Lent.
One eight year old girl said she'd give up homework. I replied that the idea
was to give up something she liked. She said, "But I like homework!"
A seven year old boy, in the same class, said he'd give up fighting with his
brother. I asked if he could give it up for so long. He said, "Well, it's
only until next week, so that's ok."
I told my boys, aged 9 and 6, that I wanted to stop and get some hair coloring.
My 6 year old asked what color I was getting and why. I told him that it
was just to cover my gray and left it at that. They were like kids in a candy
store, searching for the "perfect" color. We agreed on one, bought it, and
left. That weekend, at church, a lady said she really liked the color of my
hair. My 9 year old beamed and said, "Thanks, I picked it out!"
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the
aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd
(alternating between bride's side and groom's side), put his hands up like
claws, and roar. Step, step, ROAR, step step, ROAR, all the way down the
aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he
reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more
distressed from all the laughing and was almost crying by the time he
reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and
said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
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