Here's a little thing I wrote back when I was a serious writer.
Howard
I would never have signed on as a cabin boy for that trip if I hadn't been out of work for
so long. I guess you'll take anything when you're hungry. I knew something was wrong
right from the start. For example, the skipper was Italian, and the crew was all
Spaniards.

There were three ships, but they weren't hauling cargo. They were loaded down with
supplies -- enough to sail to the edge of the world and then some!

That's one of the things that made me think Captain Columbus was crazy. He didn't
even think the world even had an edge. There was a rumor going around the docks that
this nut was going to try to reach the Far East by sailing west. When we left port, he
turned south.

The following notes from my journal will show you that this voyage was really one for
the books.

August 4, 1492 (second day at sea, on board Santa Maria) At dawn this morning, I could
see the Nina and the Pinta off our starboard quarter. The big question is which one of
these buckets will sink first.

The word on board is that the skipper got laughed out of Italy and Portugal with his
round-the-world theory. It seems that an astrologer told Ferdilnand and Isabella that this
was a good time to back and adventure and that's when he skipper showed up. Can you
imagine the leaders of a rich and powerful country falling for that astrology stuff?!*

August 8, 1492 Weather fari, wind favorable, progress slow. I think I've ffigured out
why the skipper 2wanted three ships. Somebody told him that a ;ship could cross the
ocean in sixty days. So he reasons that three can do it in twenty. If we had a big enough
fleet, would be there by now.

August 19, 1492 Not much wind. We're still inching south. I looked in the captain's log
and found his directions to the Far East. It said ,"Go to the Canary Islands and turn
right." Looks like we're headed for the edge.

August 22, 1492 Wind still light. Not much headway, but we raised the Canary Islands
just after daybreak Right now they look like green blobs on the horizon. Somehow I
expected yellow. I hope we get there in time for lunch. After all that hardtack, a roasted
canary would taste good. Frankly, I'd trade those islands for some wind. We could call
it the Trade Wind.

*This was written in 1988 during the Ron and Nancy administration.


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September1,1492 One day west of the Canarys. The wind is strong and we've got these
tubs up to about eight knots. I wonder when we'll go over the edge. Seven sober seamen
have seen sea serpents.. The skipper is still wandering around the deck shouting orders
in Italian to a bunch of Spanish sailors. That's not going to work.

September 3, 1492 One month at sea and all these waves are beginning to look alike.
Several of the men have O.D.ed on pasta. I'm beginning to look forward to the edge.

September 8, 1492 The men are close to mutiny. The Captain just sits around clicking
two little steel ball in his hand. He has been trying to write a good inspirational talk, but
he can't come up with a good catchy line. He tried, "I have not yet begun to sail," but
somehow it didn't have the right ring to it.

Then he tried "Darn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!" But that wouldn't work because
torpedoes haven't been invented yet.. If he doesn't get a good inspirational talk soon,
they may pull up his palm trees.

September 15,1492 The Captain is still searching for a good line to inspire the men. The
best thing he's come up with is "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." He was afraid
to use it. I've had to stop callling him "the skipper" because the men are beginnng to call
me "Gilligan."

The Captain keeps running up to the bow and peering into the mist. Is he looking for
land or for the edge?

September 16, 1492 The search is over! The Captain has come up with a line that will
win him a place in all of the books of famous quotes! He's going with a simple, direct
"Sail on! Sail on!" I don't have the heart to tell him it's redundant.

September 28, 1492 Things are going well since the old man made his inspirational talk.
We ;haven't found land, but then we haven't found the edge either.

October 11, 1492 Some nut up in the crow's nest is yelling "Land ho!" We're going to
have to cut back on the rum ration.

October12, 1492 This doesn't look like Java to me. But if it is, I'm glad it's Monday.
This could become a holiday and we'd get a three-day weekend.

October 16, 1492 Well, here we are, but where are we? The old man wants to call this
place San Salvador, but I think Watlling Island sounds better, But of course, I'm only the
cabin boy.

The Indians, if that's what they are,have welcomed us with open arms. I think they're
making a big mistake.