> You can leave the wording the same and make it more readable by adding two commas.
>
> "The library was dark; the lights, left on when the librarian left, went out when the ice had pulled down the power lines."

I don't know if it will score you any more points, but you could also save yourself a word by using a descriptive verb:

"The library was dark; the lights, left on when the librarian left, went out when the ice had *toppled* the power lines."

I also think that maybe the phrase "left on when the librarian left" is a bit redundant. Couldn't you just say, "left on by the librarian?" It's sort of understood in the context that she's not there anymore.

I like the story, BTW.

Gri"sorry if you didn't want a critique"shny