> I guess an explanation is needed. I was the one who posted as ?Anonymous? a while ago. I thought I had the problem in hand by myself until a little while ago. Then something bad almost happened. It may try to happen again. I don?t even know that I don?t want it to happen.

All the more reason to try to seek some kind of professional counsel. I can't emphasize that enough. We care about you, but there's not much we can do other than be supportive. And I understand well the catch-22 that when you're feeling well, you don't want to seek help, and when you don't, you lack the will for it. Please try.