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At-A-Glance Film Reviews

Conquest (1983)



Reviews and Comments

Conquest easily ranks as one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It is so indescribably pathetic and incompetent, my review can only hint at the badness of this exercise in irrelevance and hope its readers have good imaginations.

I tried, but I couldn't make any sense at all of the plot. Some ghosts give this guy some advice and send him into the world, presumably to defeat some raspy old woman who watches the sun rise and sends cruddy monsters out in the world to mow people down for no particular reason. Some other guy -- an animal lover of some sort who speaks the immortal line, "When a man meets a man, you never know which one will die," in explanation of his preference for animals. They wander around rescuing each other until one dies and the other kills the old woman with the help of inexplicably gained supernatural powers. None of it makes any sense -- worse, it's mostly very boring, the sole exceptions being the occasional laughs at the movie's expense.