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Book-A-Minute Classics


By Joseph Heller

Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard and David J. Parker

Colonel Cathcart
I want a promotion, so I screw over all my men.
I want to get out of here, so I walk around naked and pretend to be sick.
Colonel Cathcart
Fine. Praise us, and we'll let you go home.
No. I'll desert instead, because I've learned that war is crazy, and it's bad too, because it makes people do really weird things and die. Also, high ranking military officers are evil incarnate.
Easily Deluded Reader
Look at all the subtext. This must be one of the greatest anti-war pieces of our time.


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