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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review

Speed 2: Cruise Control

Posted by: Andy Jackson
Date Submitted: Tuesday, April 13, 1999 at 12:54:18
Date Posted: Tuesday, April 13, 1999 at 13:35:26

I went into this movie knowing it would be bad, and I wasn't disappointed.

Basic plot: Some guy with bad teeth hijacks a cruiseliner. Much of the cruiseliners blows up, and the boat eventually crashes into an oil tanker, then into a city, where it plows along Main Street for approximately 1200 miles. Then the hijacker flies a plane into a tower and laughs about it, then blows up. Sound confusing? The movie itself is worse.

Several things contributed to this movie being terrible, first and foremost being the title. The Filmmaker's Exam should have a fifth question: "Is your movie title a really really bad pun?" I simply don't see how anyone could expect anything out of a movie with such a stupid title.

Secondly, various violations of the laws of physics. For example, two guys manage turn this huge boat 90 degrees or so by turning this dinky little wheel. I don't care how strong they are, but if this wheel is mechanically (without electronics or anything, only gears and such) attached to the rudder, they wouldn't be able to turn it. Sorry, but the rudder is bigger than these guys put together, and they would NOT be able to adjust its position by one-arming this little wheel around (never mind that this "tension-filled" scene took about 15 minute to run its course).

Third, we are introduced to characters that, for one reason or another, we simply don't care about. None of the characters are likeable in the slightest, and I think the movie would have been much more entertaining had the boat simply exploded for 90 minutes.

Fourth, as already pointed out in the At-A-Glance review of this film, Sandra Bullock is completely wasted and stands around looking concerned for most of the movie.

2 turkeys. Has continuity, but makes you want to retch.

Scene to watch for: The end credits.

Best line: "Zero."

Things that make you go "Huh?": The thing with the bad guy's blood.

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