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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review

Starcrash (aka: Female Space Invaders) (aka: Stella Star)

Posted by: DemetriosX
Date Submitted: Wednesday, April 7, 1999 at 14:51:33
Date Posted: Thursday, April 8, 1999 at 04:32:58

Where to begin? I haven't seen this movie in years, but many parts of it are indelibly etched into my memory. For starters the hero is played by Marjoe Gortner, which says a lot about it right there. Other cast members include Christopher Plummer and David Hasselhoff (before anyone knew who he was).

The plot is vague and rather irrelevant but mostly stolen from Star Wars. In a lot of ways it looks more like Barbarella than Star Wars: same cheesy sets, same FX. Basically, there are some bad guys, and the good guys try to stop them from taking over the Interstellar Empire. They seem to be taking this seriously, but how they could, I have no idea.

The movie features two great moments that make it worth watching. The first is when the bad guys board the good guys' ship in large bullets that crash through the starship's plate glass windows. Then the bullets open up, and they all jump out. No one seems the least bit worried about the certain explosive decompression and consequent lack of oxygen; everything just goes right along normally.

The second reason is the single greatest bad line from a bad movie. Just when everthing has turned to disaster for the heroes, Christopher Plummer (the Emperor) shows up in his Imperial Battleship and saves the day. He raises one hand and proclaims dramatically, "Imperial battleship, stop time!"

That moment alone earns this Italian dog four turkeys.

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