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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review

Last Exit To Earth

Posted by: Cameron
Date Submitted: Wednesday, March 31, 1999 at 12:23:09
Date Posted: Wednesday, March 31, 1999 at 16:28:49

Every so often, I wander into the "Adventure" section of the local blockbuster, in search of terrible movies. I'll usually pick up two or three, in hopes that one of them will be bad enough to avoid the boring trap. With this movie, I'm glad I followed my policy.

Simply put, this has got to be the most boring, pointless, unconnected pile of absolute drek it has ever been my misfortune to view. I paid a single dollar for this film for five nights, and it was still too much. It gets a turkey and considers itself lucky. Maybe, MAYBE, it could be watched at a party, and people would have fun with it. If they were drunk.

The premise of the film is that, in the future, women have become the dominant gender and for some nebulous reason have attempted to "remove aggression" from the human race. Apparently, only men have aggression (despite the fact that the women in this movie do what passes for serious butt-kicking in the worthless fight scenes), and removing aggression ALSO makes them sterile. An intrepid explorer finds out that, great heavens, if all men are sterile than the human race will die out! DUH! ARGH!

So, the first thing we see is an ugly woman, wearing only her panties, in a cloth covered wood frame that spins. It spins really fast, she disappears, and some water drips off the frame. WHAT!? Anwyays, this apparently allows her to go back in time as a ghost and surprise an ugly man coming out of the shower. Then she leaves. At this point I was simply staring in shock at the screen. She comes back and discusses her experience with her mother. They read an excerpt from the writings of the Marquis de Sade, thus explaining, SOMEHOW, why they call all people from previous years "sades." I guess.

So, using this, they convince some friends to break whatever law of the land there is, jump in their space ship, and go to the "Time Ribbon" to go back in space. So just before they reach their target, which is apparently a satellite-repair space ship crewed by some men, the Bad Guy literally OPENS A DOOR on a SPACESHIP and walks in with his buddies, toting machine guns. Not to mention the anti-gravity that I guess NASA has been keeping a secret. They kill all but one of the Good Guys, for no reason. The women arrive, kick some butt, and take everyone forward in time. There, they are all banished.

The End.

Scene to watch for: An imminent spaceship collision miraculously turns into a perfect, unguided docking.

Best line: "The plan is to have sex as quickly as possible."

Things that make you go "Huh?": The magic healing powers of the women.

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