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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review

Dungeons & Dragons

Posted by: Dave Gunn
Date Submitted: Friday, January 31, 2003 at 12:09:01
Date Posted: Monday, September 29, 2003 at 14:51:57

Courtney Solomon must've thought she could cover the entire backstory and history of a fantasy world and a kingdom in approximately ten to fifteen seconds. It just doesn't work that way. The result was that the world felt incomplete, like there was something more we should be knowing about it. Sadly, there wasn't. It was a poorly designed land with a poorly thought out history.

Back in the glory days of Dungeons and Dragons (the game the movie was based on), it took months to develop a decent world in which to run your campaign. Courtney Solomon spent about...what, ten minutes dreaming it up? This is just the first place the movie screws up, and we're only twenty seconds into it.

Next, I come to the acting. The main villain in the opening sequence makes me wonder, "Is it physically possible to act worse than this?" Unfortunately, the answer is yes. The "loyal sidekick" (and the most annoying character in the entire movie) was a thief called Snails. Snails is supposedly a thief but obviously doesn't know the first thing about being one. He constantly fumbles with objects he's trying to steal, crashes around making lots of noise, tripping, screaming whenever something moves, etc.

The Dwarf (called Elwood Gutsworthy of the Oakenshield clan -- recognize that name, Tolkien fans?) not only looks pathetic, he acts pathetic too. It would take a newborn baby about two seconds to realize "That beard's fake, and the guy looks like a freak."

The main main characters (a thief called Ridley and a female mage called Marina) weren't too bad, but the acting was sub-par at best. The empress comes across as naive and foolish, the main villain screams too much, his sidekick looks dumb, the dwarf looks extremely stupid and way too tall, and the "attractive" half-elf ranger was nasty ugly. The person who did the casting for this movie should be shot.

The only thing that redeems this movie is the special effects, which are pretty good. If you really want to laugh at a truly pathetic movie, you have to rent this, but don't expect to be entertained.

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