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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review


Beware! Children at Play

Posted by: Forest Taylor
Date Submitted: Wednesday, September 4, 2002 at 13:48:31
Date Posted: Sunday, September 8, 2002 at 09:41:16

Let me say first of all that this is a Troma Film Release, so I expected it to be bad. But other Troma movies are done kind of like self-parodies, making them funny. Unfortunately the only thing funny about this film is the fact that it takes itself so seriously.

It begins with some rather boring scenes of a father and son camping in the woods. Things pick up when the father accidentally steps on a fox trap. The steel teeth of the trap get stuck in the man's ankle, and instead of telling his son to go get help, he tells him to go get some food so they can wait for help to come. That's right, they sit there for three days waiting for help to come to THEM, while the father's leg gets more and more infected. This sequence ends with the kid stabbing his father and eating his liver. Well, liver or whichever organ looks like a piece of fried chicken.

Cut to ten years later. We find some family driving to their friends' house to provide emotional support because their daughter was kidnapped three years ago. On the way there, they run into an old man who is selling Bibles. This man tells them that the town they are going into contains some of the biggest religious fanatics in the world. They thank him for the advice and head off. The old man, however, finds a vibrating shrub and goes into the woods to investigate. He gets attacked by someone carrying a sickle and, despite the fact that the sickle obviously missed his body, he is cut in half by it.

Meanwhile, our hero has met up with his friend, who is the sheriff in this town. The sheriff asks our hero if he could help in the investigation of all the missing children. He agrees, so they head to the house of a man who looks like he hasn't slept in three weeks. They ask him some questions, and he gets angry telling them to get off his property or he'll call the police. What?!?! The guy questioning him is the sheriff!

Anyway, we cut to the police station, and we see a mob of hillbillies who are angry about all their missing children. We also get to meet a grouch of a reporter who changes hair styles more often than she changes clothes.

Cut back to the house of the guy who never sleeps. His wife thinks she hears their son, so she goes outside and gets killed.

Some more kids get kidnapped, and our heroes hire a psychic who ends every sentence with "deary." She does some boring psychic stuff and then gets killed by the missing children, who eat her flesh.

The reporter changes her hair style and goes to the house of the guy who never sleeps to ask him some questions. She gets chased into the woods and is killed. Meanwhile, our hero, his wife, and the sheriff are trying to figure out who would kidnap all the kids. The hero's wife recites a few lines from Beowulf, and this leads them to the conclusion that the kid from the beginning of the movie believes he is the monster Grendel and is convincing kids to eat people. Just like in real life.

The angry mob (now being led by the guy who never sleeps) decides that their kids are evil and need to be killed. The sheriff tries to talk some sense into the mob, and our hero goes to investigate the house of the guy who never sleeps, but instead of investigating, he falls asleep on a hammock and gets attacked by the evil kids. Meanwhile, our hero's wife gets killed, and the sheriff's wife gets kidnapped. The sheriff tries to rescue the hero but gets killed.

Our hero takes one of the kids hostage and forces her to take him to their secret hideout. Let me just say this: this town must have the worst police force in the world if they couldn't find this place. It's literally just a bunch of tents in middle of the forest. A helicopter could have found it easily.

Our hero arrives at the village, just stands there while the sheriff's wife gets sacrificed, and then he beats the living daylights out of Grendel and rescues all the kids. But then the guy that never sleeps and his angry mob show up, and the film ends in an unbelievable bloodbath.


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