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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review

Batman Forever

Posted by: Faux Pas
Date Submitted: Monday, March 22, 1999 at 12:49:24
Date Posted: Monday, March 29, 1999 at 04:23:57

"Batman Forever" starts off with Jim Carrey playing the Mad Hatter but dressed up as the Riddler for some reason. The Mad Hatter wants to suck the brains out of everyone in Gotham using a blender on top of television set, while Tommy Lee Jones wears some killer suits and is the best actor and has the best role that this movie series has seen -- Val Kilmer as Batman has to stop the two of them while getting used to the rubber nipples on his suit. The question of the rubber nipples vexes him so much that Val Kilmer falls in love with Nicole Kidman, who reveals that there's nipples on his suit because he's afraid of a giant bat that was seen in the commercials and the trailer of the movie but was cut out of the actual film. Meanwhile, Val Kilmer hires Chris O'Donnell to be his adopted son despite being a few months older than Chris. Chris dresses up as an armor-plated bird and calls himself "Robin." Val Kilmer doesn't think this is strange at all, and they go ahead and do some Dynamic Duo stuff. Jim Carrey blows up the Batcave and steals Nicole Kidman while Tommy Lee Jones does some really cool things.

By this time, every home in Gotham has a brain-sucker blender on their televisions, and great ghostly green rays float over Gotham to a giant blender in the bay, the Mad Hatter/Riddler's "hideout." On the way there, Robin is kidnapped and Val Kilmer must choose who he loves more, Chris O'Donnell or Nicole Kidman.

Rating: 3 turkeys.

Scene to watch for: Dick picking up chicks in the Batmobile.

Best line: "Screw you!"

Things that make you go "Huh?": Batman tells Robin that killing Two-Face is wrong. Batman then kills Two-Face.

Response From RinkWorks:

Gosh, I even hated Tommy Lee Jones in this movie. They should have kept Billy Dee Williams, who played the character in the 1989 version of Batman. He, at least, might have been convincing that he was playing a character with two personalities instead of just a single psycho. -- Sam.

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