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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review

Batman Returns

Posted by: Faux Pas
Date Submitted: Monday, March 22, 1999 at 12:49:24
Date Posted: Monday, March 29, 1999 at 04:23:46

Two decades pass after Adam West's Batman, and the Bat-suit is passed to Michael Keaton. This new Batman has a passable encounter with another Joker and then goes on to star in "Batman Returns" two to three years later.

"Returns" starts off with Paul "Pee-Wee" Reubens as the father of a mutant little baby, but that doesn't surprise anyone, so he sends the child off to be raised by penguins in the sewers of Gotham. Meanwhile several years later, Michelle Pfeiffer, who really should have known better than to star in this movie, is thrown out a window and given CPR by a bunch of cats. Of course, she decides to kill Christopher Walken, which is quite understandable. Danny DeVito goes around heavily arming several of the sewer penguins and has some sort of subplot involving kidnapping all twelve of Gotham City's children, driving the Batmobile like a RC car from Radio Shack, and kidnapping Christopher Walken, which is quite understandable.

There's a silly scene at the beginning of "Returns" where the Bat-Signal is lit and all these mirrors activate and shine the light right into Bruce Wayne's library. Later on, Bruce is making out with Michelle Pfeiffer when he notices that the Bat-Signal is lit and rushes out of there. One thinks that he's off to turn off the silly mirrors so Michelle won't find out that he's not only Michael Keaton, but also Batman.

This movie ends when the Penguin's cybernetically controlled Strategic Launch Penguins are turned against him and as the villain, he gets killed off. Catwoman may be dead but probably isn't, as she wasn't touching the floor when a million skillion volts of electricity surged through her body, killing Christopher Walken, which is quite understandable.

Rating: 2 turkeys.

Scene to watch for: Penguin's pallbearers.

Best line: "No! It's supposed to give you a splitting headache!"

Things that make you go "Huh?": Four ne'er-do-wells calmly stand around while Batman programs a Batarang to hit them all.

Response From RinkWorks:

I liked this one as well as Keaton's first. But then, I'm not a huge fan of either. -- Sam.

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