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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review


Deathship

Posted by: James Noble
Date Submitted: Tuesday, November 23, 1999 at 20:24:58
Date Posted: Thursday, December 9, 1999 at 05:06:38

Boy oh boy, I'll bet George Kennedy wasn't proud of this piece of flotsom.

A pleasure cruise suddenly becomes a night of terror after a mysterious Nazi freighter goes out of its way to ram the boat. Everyone drowns except for a handful of characters, most of whom you'd love to see die. There's the ship's captain (a bloated George Kennedy), the first mate and his wife and kids, a pair of annoying lovers, a fat lady, and a smarmy MC. After the boat sinks, the survivors board the haunted "Deathship." The ship itself is possessed by the ghosts of the Nazis that once operated it (kind of like "Christine" in water). One by one, the idiot survivors get offed by the old freighter.

This is one of those films where you spend the whole time cheering when someone else gets killed. Why? Because they're ALL MORONS! First mistake was boarding the very ship that tried to kill them in the first place. Second was the fat lady eating candy that's at least fifty years old...oops! Said candy turns her face black, and she dies a horrible death. Meanwhile, the two kids (who are just too cute to die) are given brownish water to sip by mommy. Why would you give pump water on a forty year old haunted ship that's trying to kill you to your kids? Who knows? Who cares!

Anyway, more weird stuff happens; the MC gets "all tied up," so to speak, and then drowned in a net full of rubber bodies, and an old projector shows Nazi propaganda films that still light up the screen even though one character goes mad and trashes the projector.

The folk that are left over finally get the idea that maybe staying on the ship is hazardous to their health and try to get off. But before they do, George Kennedy is possessed by Nazis, shoots at people with a rifle, and declares over and over, "This ship needs blood, Marshall!" Oh, the pain! George Kennedy gets "disarmed" in the ships spinning gears (har har), and the remaining two people and their annoying kids escape on a life raft to see another day.


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