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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Reader Review


The Arena (aka: Naked Warriors)

Posted by: Sam
Date Submitted: Sunday, June 6, 1999 at 06:12:30
Date Posted: Tuesday, June 8, 1999 at 17:07:49

Avoid this sadistic nonsense. It's too mean-hearted to be good as a bad movie. The plot is about female slaves to the Roman empire who are forced entertain bloodthirsty spectators by fighting to the death in the arena. It tries to make a statement about how inhumane this is (Duh!), but the bottom line is that this movie seems to have been made for the same people who, in Roman times, would be enthusiastically watching these fights. This is a cruel, nasty little movie. It's not that it's especially violent, just that it offers no other "pleasures" than watching people in tortured pain. Even the comeuppance all the villains (and even all the not so nice people) get in the end is sickening.

On a technical level, the movie is incompetent, too. The camera compensates for poor fight choreography by zooming in so closely, you can't tell what's going on. The acting is predictably deplorable. The dialogue is ridiculous, but it's not funny, just stupid.

From a "bad movie" standpoint, there is exactly one laugh and exactly one plot point so insane it would have inspired laughter in a bad movie that hadn't already worn out its welcome. Both occur at the end.

Let me set the stage for you. The two main characters have been forced into the ring to fight. They have been told that the victor "might" be freed, so there's some ineptly executed tension about whether or not the winner will actually kill the loser. They're fighting in the arena, surrounded by thousands of screaming bloodthirsty spectators cheering them on. One disarms the other and knocks her to the ground, and she stands over her debating whether she should kill her. The Roman boss guy gives the "thumbs down" sign, which means she should kill her opponent. Then archers all around the stadium notch arrows in their bows and aim them at her, in case she should refuse.

She refuses. The Roman boss tells one of his minions to give the order to shoot -- and the arrows shoot him, instead. It seems the three other slave girls had all taken out the archers by this time -- how?? -- and in seconds, a full blown rebellion breaks out. The Roman boss character is thrown into the ring, and -- here's the insane plot point -- the Roman spectators abruptly all take the side of the slaves, booing their leader and calling for his impromptu execution. (These are the same spectators, I might add, that were outraged earlier in the movie and protested a match that included a slave who claimed to be a Roman -- if they were that protective about a Roman slave, how could they possibly turn so suddenly on a Roman leader, especially one who hadn't been unkind to them in the past?) One by one, all the other "not nice" people are thrown into the ring by the angry mob, and the slaves kill them.

Soldiers start pouring into the ring to stop the slaves. At one point, a door to the arena opens, and one soldier jumps out of it, stands fast, and SCREAMS, quivering slightly from the effort. It's supposed to be a battle cry, but it sounds and looks more like a shrieking cry of utter fear. He stops screaming as suddenly as he started, then plunges into the fray. This is the movie's only laugh.

Rating: 1 turkey.

Best line: "I'm going to make an example out of everyone."


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