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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie

Class of 1999 (1990)

[2.0 turkeys]

Ok, so it's the future (well, 1999 was the future when this movie was made), and gang warfare has gotten so bad that kids rule many areas of major U.S. cities, most of which center on high schools. They are called "Free Fire Zones," and the cops won't even enter them. So here is question number one: if the kids control the areas around the schools, and they've scared everyone to the point where even the cops won't come in, why do they still go to school? The armored school bus still lumbers through the streets every weekday, and even the hoods who are supposedly in control dutifully pile on. When they get to school, they have to go through metal detectors and give up all their weapons -- the movie shows school faculty putting confiscated firearms into ridiculously huge bins containing every type of gun you could imagine. So here is question number two: given the fact that, however inexplicably, these kids still go to school, why do they still bring their guns when they know they'll just have them confiscated? Are they passed back out at the end of the day? Does this surprise them every time? "Aw, man, not again! That was my best Uzi!"

Anyway, it seems that this company called "Megatech" (I can just imagine the brainstorming session that thought up that gem of a name) has a solution to the problem of gangs controlling the schools. They've got some androids they couldn't sell to the military, so they retooled them to be educational units. In a sales session to the city council, one of the androids is actually asked if he's really an android. He rips his face open and says, rather cryptically, "One million megabytes." This is more than enough to convince the city -- they buy into the program, and the next day the androids are teaching classes at the local high school.

From this promising beginning, this movie degenerates into the standard "Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy discovers that android teachers are evil student killers and so unites all street gangs in order to kill off the evil androids and slay half the city in the process, boy gets girl" story.

I'd say more about this movie, but, frankly, it doesn't deserve any more.

Scene to watch for: Homecoming.

Best line: "Corporal punishment. Is that still legal, sir?"

Things that make you go "Huh?": Why three androids who don't need food, have no belongings or furniture, and could comfortably live in a closet, all live together in a huge three bedroom house.

View this movie's entry at the Internet Movie Database.

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